If your like me, insert 20 somethingish trying to figure out your place in the world either climbing the corporate ladder or experimenting with different options, then you probably have noticed what I have noticed lately. Just take a look at your Facebook feed, I am not going crazy but it seem everyone I know is getting into relationships, engaged or already married.
With 2 weddings already this year (thanks Lindsey and Tolga, Julie and Geoff) and some more invites in the pipeline, you start to wonder if your single, how on earth are you going to meet someone that you don’t already know?
Well how do most people meet? According to a study by Match.com an online dating website based in the US suggest the following:
1) Through work/school 36%
2) Through friend/family member 26%
3) Via Online Dating site 17%
4) Through bars/clubs/social events 11%
5) Other 7%
6) Through church/places of worship 4%
What surprises me about all this is how high online dating is and it does not surprise me that it beats bars/clubs though. Let’s be honest the intentions you have under alcohol or when out partying is not necessarily the best side of a persons character if any indication of their character at all.
So what happens when there are no options through work (ie. all your coworkers are twice your age and married) and you are finished school? There is always your friends and family right? Family get togethers are usually well family unless someone brings a date, and well that would not go over well taking their date would it? Or what if you live in another country? Or be honest when you do go out it is usually with the same group of people because you are so busy living your own lives anyways, and the time is spent catching up. Lastly, I am against online dating although I know of some success stories, to me it seems unnatural and I could imagine discouraging as most people on it are because they are lonely and tired of trying or waiting for it to “happen”.
With all that said, NO ONE SAID IT WOULD BE EASY!! If it was I probably should at this point be able to keep a relationship more than 9 months (which if your wondering why you should even take advice from a guy like me, I will leave it to your judgement, but know I am friends with all my ex’s and 90% of them are in happy relationships, call me good luck mac ;) ). There are millions of books out there, recently a few more for men (ie. THE GAME, MYSTERY METHOD), even a reality TV shows teaching men how to pickup women. However, the problem with these books for most guys, is well they take it literally, making it a game to “neg” girls, etc. and mostly revolve around picking up girls at a bar. Don’t get me wrong, you have to start somewhere with a complete stranger you don’t know, but beyond that initial attraction stage, surprise surprise you yourself have to carry the relationship, not gambits &games.
So with all that ranting done, here is my take on dating and what you came for…
TOP 5 WAYS TO FIND YOURSELF A DATE
1. Be Interesting
What does that even mean??? Maybe it’s doing magic tricks, or knowing every line to Anchorman? What is interesting for one person can be boring for another. What I mean by interesting is be passionate about something. Think about it, you know those people, when they talk to you their eyes light up, they have skip to their step, they are wait for it… HAPPY. The times in life when you meet people are the times when you are complete, when you are feeling fufiled chasing your dreams/hopes. Just reading a book right now called The Way of the Superior Man, but one thing that really stuck out for me was the idea that by not pursuing your own inner dreams, passions, you will not feel complete, hence you will be cheating a partner out of a truly complete relationship. So start with figuring out how to be truly happy, and if your not, you need to start looking inside to figure out who YOU really are, character, dreams, passions, before you can expect anyone else to start to discover it.
2. Get out there.
If you ever get a chance pick up a book called the last lecture or at least watch the YouTube video. If you are not familiar with it, last lectures are done at some universities where professors teach if it was their last lecture what they would want to leave behind, in this case it is literally a last lecture as a professor at Carnegie Mellon named Randy Pausch is diagnosed with terminal cancer.
The reason I bring this up is, it is about getting out there! There is no point having dreams and goals if your not moving towards them, you might not get exactly the goal, but along the way you will not only find more fulfillment in your own life, but help others achieve their own goals and dreams. It is a tale old as time but I still think it is important today, in life and relationships, it is not what you say, it is what you do that counts and matters.
3. Meet NEW PEOPLE
Amazing concept, but sitting at home playing World of Warcraft will not drop the person of your dreams into your lap, that or Facebook stalking people. Go out, chase those dreams, have fun, try new things, along the way you put yourself in situations to meet new people. Make it a goal, don’t just go to a vorspeil (preparty in norwegian) and hangout with the people you already know, mingle, mix, because you never know where things will lead.
One episode from How I met your mother, really hits it home, you want it to happen so badly, you keep waiting for it to happen, but really you need to focus on you and enjoying your life, because that person is on their way as fast as they can.
4. Take a chance
“He who hesitates masturbates” – How to Make it in America quote pretty much sums up that point. If I never asked the cute Swedish girl at the coffee shop to hangout I would have never had an amazing relationship taking me across 3 different countries, life’s biggest regrets are the things you never do. Think it’s from Michael Jordan, but goes along the lines of you will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
5. Have fun
I guess the Top 5 can really summed up into 1, HAVE FUN!! Have fun with life, focus on you, enjoying the moments with friends and family, the rest will really follow :) So smile, laugh, be happy, and the occasional time drink yourself literally under a table, because that guy didn’t end up alone that night lol.